Random…

Once I’ve made the decision to drop by, does it mean there’ll be some changes in my life…?

You finally wake me up from the dream… telling me that the moment is never to come, ever. Yes, and I finally realize, I should choose to be happy. And a reason just seem to be too trivial now…

I saw light… the kinda life-giving light that appears when everything seems to be so hopeless. With my grip and embrace, yet I doubt for the path ahead…

Uncertainty, the feeling that drives you entirely off yourself… and yet who can say a certain? I’ve been driven up the wall; and I’ve been broken into tears and bliss… when you tell me that you love me.

Thanks to the formal one, who had made me stronger. And thanks even more to the one, who makes me see again, the marvel of infatuation, and the charm of adoring someone.

Once I’ve made the decision to drop by, I know, there’ll be some changes in my life.

* * *

Courtesy of Desmond 9394’s invitation, I’ve joined the 2nd part of the “bloggers sing song project” initiated by Lin Peh and his fellow mates, where all of us are singing certain verses in a well-known Chinese New Year song called “gong xi gong xi”. It was a real fun experience and somehow cheered up the whole CNY mood. Do check it out at Lin Peh’s weblog, as the official launching is really soon to be up in this coupla days’ time.

CNY is just few more days to come, to everyone out there, it doesn’t matter if you think that it’s gonna be another hard year, or it may not brings cheer really much… Still, spring is here again and I would like to take this chance to wish everyone, “Stay healthy while making more wealth, stay fruitful while making attempts, and on top of all, stay sane while the world going crazy”. Have a great holiday! Gong Hey Fatt Choy!

Mood: In love, in holiday
Music: How deep is your love, by Bee Gees

Update on 23rd January 2006 11:55 a.m.: The World Premier of Cha Cha Guo Xin Nian - the bloggers sing song project’s final product has been officially launched this morning at the ever “ong” time at 10.28 a.m. Simply drop by Lin Peh’s weblog to get an original copy of the song. You won’t regret listening and it’ll sure brings you lots and lots of good fortune. Wait no more, grab ‘em fast.

 

牙齿印

关上了收音机
除了电风扇规律的声音
整间房子
顿时出奇地宁静

我一个人
卷缩在阔大的毛巾被里
闭着双眼
尝试自我催眠

睡不着
刚读过的短讯
仍在脑海里不停地打转

我睁开眼睛
凝视着自己白皙的手臂
想起了
曾经在那里留下的
牙齿印……

~若有所思~
写于零五，十二点二一
凌晨一时五十五分

Music: Do that to me one more time, by Captain and Tenille

 

Will you still love me tomorrow

最能引起共鸣的，莫过于一首好歌。叫人听得投入的当儿，仿佛也在歌中找到了自己的缩影……而，感动的泪水，已悄悄地随着那扣人的旋律，温热了脸颊……。

午夜的收音机轻轻传来一首歌
那是你我都已熟悉的旋律
在你遗忘的时候　
我依然还记得
明天你是否依然爱我

我早已经了解　
追逐爱情的规则
虽然不能爱你　
却又不知该如何
相信总会有一天　
你一定会离去
但明天你是否依然爱我

所有的故事　
只能有一首主题歌
我知道你最后的选择
所有的爱情　
只能有一个结果
我深深知道　
那绝对不是我

既然曾经爱过　
又何必真正拥有你
即使离别　
也不会有太多难过
午夜里的旋律　
一直重复着那首歌
Will you still love me tomorrow

Mood: Touched
Music: Will you still love me tomorrow, by Angus Thong

 

Another day of missing you

In times of solitude
I miss the time spent with you

In times of feeling small
I miss the words of reassuring from you

In times of chaotic
I miss that harmony ambiance when I’m with you

In times of silence
I miss that secure sound of voice from you

In times of coldness
I miss that loving body-warm each time you hold me

In times of sickness
I miss that strong caring arms you wrapped around me

In times of gladness
I miss the joys of sharing you shower me

In times of witty
I miss the forgiving smile you everytime gave me

In times of loving
I miss the sweet tender kiss you run through my lips

In times of weary
I miss your gentle strokes that shepherd me to sleep

And yet in times of all the time
I’ve never missed to find out
How much I miss the one that I really miss…

It’s just another day of missing you…

Mood: Missing someone
Music: You’ll never find another love like mine, by Michael Bublé ft. Laura Pausini

 

Hands? Or legs??

Busy busy busy! Anyone who asked “How’s life cha boh?” recently, majority of them got that 3 words of divine from me. I guess they really describe my recent life and it’s really apt.

After that sickening crappy presentation, am going to sit for another mid-term test for another subject (Microeconomics) tonight, from 8 to 9.30 p.m. While attending classes just now, was being told that the mid-term test for another subject is on next Friday night. Question format consist of multiple-choice questions, fill in the blanks and 2 structure questions – which sounds pretty tough, as it usually goes with MCQs only. All these means I have even more readings (readings!) to cover. And not forgetting the unmentioned product modification project for my Cyberpreneurship subject, which is a real headache and brainstorm.

Apart from those, I’ve just read about the fees payment announcement from the online bulletin board. And yesterday, I’d received the reminder letter, telling me the premium for Mom’s policy will due soon – and this half-annum turn is me now. As my loan has been previously refunded, this also means I have more work dealing with the transfers, banks and the payees on my own, be it online or offline… And no doubt, that monthly suckers like my own insurance premium, fuel, partial-household- utilities expenditure, my personal groceries and supplies are still doing their great jobs in sucking…

And it’s year-end now. Everybody and everything is busy and hurry! It’s like a strong wave pushing and you just can’t do anything except following the drift it brings and get used to its pace. Even ‘him’ is also very busy with the coming Air Show LIMA in Langkawi. At so many times I just wished I could work faster. Much much faster. Walk faster (even I’m already known for that!), think faster, write faster, re-act faster, drive faster (err… hehee), eat faster etc etc… as though the speed of movement is what slowing me down. Perhaps I could have more hands and legs – that could be useful during “peak-seasons”. Then you’ll see me like the “woh-lou yeh yeh” in that Japanese Cartoon “Laputa”. Or simply like the octopus as mentioned in my profile… Uhh, I’m so monster.

Mood: Jelly – rushing home before rushing back to campus again.
Music: I am busy, by Panda Xiong

Update on 7th Dec 1430H: That Japanese movie should be “Spirited Away” and not “Laputa (Castle in the Sky)”. I was mistaken the last day. But both these animation movies are from the same director, Hayao Miyazaki - one of the most celebrated filmmakers in the history of animated cinema.

 

A glass of hot chocolate

What could a glass of hot chocolate do? Being much emotional especially alone at night for the past week, I think I’ve got myself some rejoins. Courtesy from the unidentified craves today, realizations rose up naked before my eyes with that tantalizing aroma and warm grasp felt in my hands. Seeing that tender and welcoming coating of foam spread out evenly around the surface, the very first sip through the lips simply soothes the sorrowful taste buds. And the rest just never fail to bring a full-bodied warmth down the throat everytime, just like the way it should since from the very beginning until the end. It creates a blend feelings of calmness, peaceful, wholesome and soothing in the soul. For the time of the day, it feels like problems are not troublesome anymore… be it mega or minute. I love hot chocolate. For it lifts me up when I’m down; and warms my heart when I’m cold.

Special thanks to SLSK, for entertaining my ludicrous request at that contrary hour, and making that unfavourable favour a complimentary treat without any grievance. This seem-to-be trivial fulfillment means a lot more to me… I simply couldn’t ask for a better friend elsewhere… Thank you honey

My holiday is soon ending. And I didn’t go anywhere except working hard and sleeping hard most of the time. I thought I could meet him up, but the bad timing simply paralyzed everything. I feel really really upset… I miss those days… and I hope I won’t be crying too much to sleep later…

Sometimes I wonder, should I give myself a smack and go get a life?

Mood: Felt beaten
Music: I’m Only Here For A While, by David Foster

 

Why?

Ever felt so remote, being yourself at your lowest… No one is there to even take a glance or bother how you feel. No one hear that distressing cry deep inside. No one, no one at all… Being totally defeated right from the start, not even after the battle has begun. Misery to be camouflaged, howls to be held back, tears to be made unseen and words to be suppressed… No say, no claim, no chance and no things. From heaven to hell, mood swings back and forth, trying to find a finite balance in between, that might possibly at least dilute the overwhelming melancholy in the whole picture… And yet, smiles are still to be faked…

Mood: feeling small
Music: How can you mend a broken heart, by Michael Bublé ft. Bee Gees

 

Virtual text - a sweet recall

him: just had my shower and now waiting for my food in this restaurant. nice indian dishes. want some ta pao for u?
me: hehee… thanks dear, so sweet of u. I feel like having soup. any good reckon?
him: ada, all soup ada. I think I get u a capati with some mutton. is that alright?
me: hmm yeah good but please get me thosai instead of capati as I prefer that. and some vege too please?
him: never mind, pack all for you. I don’t spend any penny for that. hahahahaa
me: hmmph… u ah… never mind, just bare ‘em in mind and will be claimed soon. hehee!

Haha, yeah… like you’ve told me once, 450 kilometers away and you can offer anything. ^_^

Mood: Jazzy swingin’
Music: When Somebody Thinks You’re Wonderful, by Bryan Ferry

 

Of negativeness

As I move along with this life, as I am certain on my path, as I am glad with my current condition, as I feel these good-beings are going to be potentially rolling ahead, I am again distracted over some remnants from the past. I feel somewhat disappointed. I don’t seem to see any self-consciousness, yet any changes and improvement within. Maybe you’re just a mouse, which behaves like a ‘peanut that forgot its coat’.

-

me: well I was pretty surprise to see him here.
friend: yeah. and he told about his recent life and work condition, said also you knew about it but was like “make don’t know”…
me: what? I make don’t know? of course I knew about it. we did contact and exchanged some news. but all were simply superficial. so…?
friend: I guess he was trying to catch back something…? with you…?
me: ah this is ludicrous. he was the one who turn his back on me when I really needed someone. the kinda slighting expression in his eyes were still vivid. how could he make that remark and demand now? and what do you expect me to do other than saying all the best after all these difficult moments…?
friend: I think he does not deserved to be loved…

-

Reluctantly drowned into the swirl of old memories, the pain still hurts. Sometimes I just wished I’d never went through all these…

0615 in the morning and I’m still awake… Shyt

Mood: Blank

 

Thoughts from nowhere

What does melted chocolate taste like on your fingers…?
What does cheesecake taste like on your stomach…?
Ahh… I miss… I really miss…

Mood: Sleepy
Music: I’m In The Mood For Love, by Bryan Ferry